Cynicism Explained Through the Reactions to A Lovely Bryan Adams Song: Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love

(Don't mind the foreign text. The song is the original version.)

I’m a romantic. Always have been. I mean let’s look at some of the evidence:

•             As a reader, I love reading exciting romances, no matter which genre the romance is incorporated into. But yes, I also love reading romantic comedies. And watching them, obviously.
•            For crying out loud, my favorite band is Bon Jovi. My favorite movie is Braveheart. My third favorite movie? The Crow. Also in the top ten? Pride and Prejudice.
•          I love Bryan Adams.
•            As a screenwriter, my specialty is romance, comedy and drama combinations.

But, and this is a big but, I’m not the romantic I used to be in middle school or high school. I had some real life “romantic” experiences, and I got a little cynical.

Image via amazon.com.

I didn’t have huge heatbreaks. My relationship attempts never got to that point. And maybe that is the problem. I have had major bad surprises and some stellar disappointments. Add to my experiences, the experiences of my friends and well...the cynicism level only rises.

And while at my core, I will always be a romantic, I am also a cynic. Come on. Who reaches their 30s with their romantic genes completely untouched in the 21st century?

Let me talk about the moment I knew I was a cynic.

I have pretty much all of Bryan Adams’ albums. I have seen him live twice, and if I get the chance, I won’t mind seeing him at least ten more. Not only does he have one of my favorite voices, he is also great with his audience. He is humble, funny and is a damn good rocker.

And one of my favorite Bryan Adams songs is Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love from the Room Service album.

When I first heard the song, I loved it. It was so lovely and sweet. And as you can imagine, the story is of a man falling for a woman who is hard to love. She is not open. She’s distant. And here is this sweet guy suffering from her behavior.

Could I be any more naive? Or more under Adams’ spell? (In my defense, I’d marry the guy today to hear him sing more. He is an awesome singer.)

But then I grew up. And while I was listening to the song, this was my reaction:

“Shut up, you whiner! Do you even know what she had to put up with before she met you? Yeah, chances are this is all her, but either way, do you love her in spite of this? Then, my congratulations, you deserve a shot. But if you are drawn to her because of this, then you deserve all the suffering she sends through your way, idiot!"

Yep. My reaction to a potentially purely fictional situation.

Don’t worry. My reaction to Everything I Do, I Do It For You hasn’t changed. And don’t mind me, Why Do You Have to be So Hard to Love is fantastic whether you are in a romantic mood, can relate to the guy’s situation, or just need to calm a headache.

But when a guy sings to/of/about a woman being distant, untrusting or cynical, it is hard for me not to question his motives. Show some empathy, dude. Take things slow. She doesn’t have to get all cuddly from the first date. She doesn't know if you are really that good, or you are just pretending until you can take her for granted. All you can do is stick around and prove you are worth her time. 

In the mean time, keep in my mind that we know Pride and Prejudice is just a novel, and neither Matthew Mcfadyen or Colin Firth are Mr. Darcy. 

Friendzoning: The Who, What, Why and How to Let Go

There seems to be a strange misconception that girls/women are never friendzoned. And if they are, it’s because they are not attractive.

While we, as women, might do a larger proportion of the friendzoning, we definitely get friendzoned. And let me tell you, it has nothing to do with looks. I’m giving guys more credit than that.

Finding someone good-looking, pretty, handsome, beautiful, interesting, funny, smart has nothing on attraction. You might think someone looks good, hot even, and yet not be attracted to them. Have you been attracted to EVERYONE you found cute, hilarious or interesting?

My friend favors Henry Cavill hugely over Ben Affleck. And yet, with Affleck's Batman body and face, I’d rather make a mandwich. (What? You thought threesome jokes/thoughts were only for men?)

In all seriousness though, there is a reason I gave a celebrity example. Even those incredible-looking people would not have attracted that many women and men, had we not known them to be interesting, talented or diverse. I don’t think I’d have noticed Gary Oldman walking down the street, but he sure is one of my favorite romantic leading men. The Scarlet Letter might not be a great movie, but damn, Oldman makes a great lover in the film.

Gary Oldman in The Scarlet Letter. Yes, I do like pretty long-haired men who also happen to be nice and romantic. Also, I grew up watching them. I love glam rock, in case you were wondering. Image via photobucket.

I’ve never understood the craze surrounding Leonardo Di Caprio, and I’ve only found him attractive in Blood Diamond, looks and personality of character combined.

Leo in Blood Diamond. It's not just the looks, it's the character, the transformation, the acting, the accent and the story combined. Image via pinterest.

Daniel Day Lewis might sport strange looks most of the time, but I think he is one of the sexiest, most attractive men on/off screen when he’s Hawkeye.

Daniel Day-Lewis as Hawkeye in The Last of the Mohicans. Image via zuguide.com

Let’s talk women. I’ve met people who think Nicole Kidman isn’t attractive. Come again?

Nicole Kidman. Image via wikipedia.

Someone whose type is Keira Knightley might very well friendzone Cate Blanchett, and vice versa.

I could never understood why Khaleesi friendzones Jorah (I’m not up-to-date with the series, but at the end of season 3 of Game of Thrones, Iain Glen’s character Jorah was still firmly in the zone.) He was like pretty much the only guy I’d have gone for in that environment. But he would have probably friendzoned me. I don’t have the long blonde hair, the stamina to change that pervert-turned-lap-husband or the love for dragons.

We are attracted to different people. Different looks, personalities and situations. Thank God for that. Can you imagine being attracted to the same people with all your friends? You wouldn't have any real friends!

Let’s talk real life. I’ve friendzoned. I’ve been friend zoned.

This is me. Whether you think I'm attractive or not is entirely subjective.

It hurts the most when you have genuine feelings for the person who has friendzoned you. You are emotionally, physically and intellectually invested. They share your sense of humor, taste in a lot of things and your favorite personality traits. Dating each other would be endless fun. You already can and do talk for hours, share inside jokes and make each other laugh till you cry.

But there is one problem: the other person believes in love/lust/attraction/flirting at first sight. You decided you’ve wanted them after you got to know them. By the time you realized that person was incredibly sexy, they had already pegged you as a dear friend. Maybe they never found you attractive. Maybe they are not attracted enough to spoil the friendship. Maybe, and this is a big one, they wouldn’t have minded the risk in the beginning, but no, any relationship you have won’t be casual. Whatever.

It doesn’t matter. What matters is, a lot of us have been there.

If the person you have a crush on or love isn’t attracted to you, there is not much you can do about it. Sure, you can try and get out, but more often than not, these people have already seen you flirting. Have already seen you at your best and worst. They don’t want, for reasons you can’t fathom, the whole package, and it is fine.

Because let’s be realistic. Best relationships stem from mutual adoration, admiration and attraction. If it's not mutual, it is not, or was not,  meant to be.

And I don’t mean it in a fatalistic way, but from a logical, fun standpoint. If you were really the couple you thought you would be, it would have been mutual in the first place.

Relax. Be frustrated and upset for a while if you like. But move on. Look around.

He is not the only guy for you. She’s not the only woman for you. The world is filled with people.

When it is mutual, you really don’t give a damn about when it wasn’t.

And for fun, let's finish it with the picture of the probably most famous friendzoned fictional character, Jorah. I can't be the only one thinking this guy is hot? Personalitywise, the last time I checked, he was wise and loyal to a fault. Seriously, K, what more do you want? : )

Iain Glen as Jorah in Game of Thrones. Image via youtube.com

8 FUN(NY) Tips for a Successful Marriage By My ESL Students

I should note that the tips came from adult, Intermediate-level, male students. (The girls had skipped class that day). More than half are married, and the average age is 35.

I should also mention that they did have some perfectly rational or traditional ideas like making enough money and agreeing on how many kids you want (and how you want to raise) them.

Enjoy!

1. Have cute children. Because we all know not-cute kids increase divorce rates. :D 

2. Live far away from the families, but not so far that they can’t come to babysit when you need them to. (Ross agrees. See the Friends episode where Ross tells Rachel her his 10-year-plan for their relationship, even though they were dating for just a few weeks. (My own parents almost got divorced because of in-law issues, so I wholeheartedly agree with this one.)

3.  Just don’t get married if you can help it.

4.  Have kids as they make it harder to pack up and leave.

5.  Don’t be attached at the hip, have separate social lives.Amen!

6. If you’re the guy, always be the one ending the conversation. With “Yes, dear.”  Sound advice.

7.  Buy gifts, and not just on special occasions. But diamonds are called for on anniversaries. 

8. Drink a lot.

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You can add your own unconventional or just prefferred tips in the comments.

If you liked this article, please spread the word.

Update: I’m Back!

Hi, everyone! I’m sorry it has been too long since my last post. 

I promise to make up for it in the upcoming weeks. I’ve been working on adding new pieces to my portfolio (in addition to my blog) and I’ve had quite a few colds to deal with. I’ve acquired some great new tips and mantras to improve my health, which I’ll be sharing on my other blog Beauty,Fitness and Style for the Fun-Loving Girl, which is also due for a serious update.

I’ve also entered several screenwriting competitions, including The Bluecat Screenplay Competition and Emerging Screenwriters. In the following months, I also plan to enter Stage32 Happy Writers TV writing competition and Capital Funds Screenplay Competition.

I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t procrastinating (much)! :)

The next post is coming soon, and until then here’re some of my dating posts published on the website GoWeLoveIt:

How Much Do You Really Owe Your Ex?

10 Things About Weddings Even Romantics Might Hate

And a post featuring 3 great date movies:

3 Must See One-Day Romances

When Your Friends Are Dating/Married: Do You Feel Like You’re Dating All Together?

Image via digitalspy.co.uk

I have a group of friends from high school who I see kind of regularly. There is an organized meeting usually once a month where we hang out at several locations in one day, spend a couple of hours and talk our butts off. But the friends from Friends TV show, we ain’t.

We kind of used to be like Friends, to be honest. In the beginning. We were 7 people (that’s almost 6, give me a break!), and we even had a brother-sister and a couple in our group for crying out loud!

We hung out a lot in the town (it’s actually a neighborhood bigger than the town I stayed in when I lived in Norway- which I totally adored, but that’s another post) where we went to high school, frequented several bars and coffee shops, and had a blast. We talked about anything and everything. We were there for each other, and we knew what was going on in each other’s lives without having to check Facebook. Heck, there were even regular phone calls and house parties.

Then we grew up a little, and dynamics changed severely.

The couple of in the group had a more tumultuous relationship than Ross and Rachel, but they did manage to tie to knot.

One guy dated some girls that didn’t quite suit the group (or suit him, for that matter), but then found the love of his love – and the two serious couples couples started spending more time together than ever, especially after they also got married.

Another guy also managed to hook up with a girl who for some reason didn’t like the group all that much. They moved in together, and we started to see less of him. Or let’s say I saw less of him. We used to be a lot closer.

This is not to say our group got smaller. It kind of doubled in numbers in the most cliché fashion, you decide: another high school friend started hanging out with us more, bringing along two more high school friends who were tighter with some of the people in our group. Then this guy started dating the sister of the girl in group number 2 (separating groups is not to be excluding, but to make sure you don’t get confused) and the group merged into one. Confused yet? I’d totally draw a chart or comic strip if I could draw anything.

The other guy in that second group was also seeing a girl who we got to meet and like, and (I’m guessing she liked us too) so she occasionally tagged along, which is cool.

But the brother in the original group went to study abroad, the sister started taking (and than giving) intense dance lessons (hence missing a lot of gatherings) and well, I didn’t feel like I belonged to the chatter of marriage and in-laws and serious relationships.

Oh, the marriage of our Chandler and Monica unfortunately ended up in divorce, so there is this subtle awkwardness in our meetings now.

The guy dating the sister in the other group married the sister, by the way, and they seem happy. Fingers crossed for their relationship.

I was at the birthday dinner of the second married couple, and the attendance of the original 7 Friends was initially 2, then came up to 4. Surprise, surprise, we weren’t all together.

Nowadays our headcount reaches twenty or so, many of them being siblings/friends/dates/spouses of the parties we know.  Many of them are nice, so it is not a problem.

In theory, we are meeting new and nice people and which is great. But when you take a closer look, you’ll see that I know a lot less about my friends’ lives now.

I know the official stories - who they are with, where they are working and their general happiness level. But that’s about it. They know about the same about me. Any other extra info, we get from social media. Oh, the joy...

A couple of months ago, in a form of sweet rebellion, I organized a girls-only night – and invited all the girls in my currently huge group. Only the original sister (refer to the first “Friends” mentioned) couldn’t make it. Well working/dancing and dating far away from everyone else does take its toll.

When you looked at it, I only knew one of the girls from the original group from way, way back. But it was a lot of fun, and we got to talk. I plan to organize more.

The point is, when most of your friends get engaged or married, they tend to hang with other couples and/or people in large numbers. I suppose it’s a time-saving tactic. With all the work, responsibilities of a marriage (such as in-law visits) and managing your own household, they can’t afford too many small groups. And they do want to talk about couples’ stuff, and couples relate better (to have a laugh, try Friends season 8, episode 4 – where Monica and Chandler piss Phoebe and Joey off with their obsession to make friends with a couple). And Joey hilariously comments, pointing to him and Phoebe: “You mean one, two people? A couple?”

I’m not on a best-friend or closer friend status as I used to be for the original group. And I’m more like a close acquaintance to the extended group. And it is fine, because it goes both ways. The problem with it, though, it really makes me question the quality of the time we spend together. How much we know, how close we are.

I guess many (still) consider me the Phoebe of the group. Well, I’m the only freelancer among them. And being more persistently single, confirmity-rejecting and having “quirky” ideas (like not wanting kids, wanting to own a beach house in Malibu and all that), I can see where they come from.

Maybe this is why Friends lasted only 10 years. They didn’t want us to see that they stopped hanging out with each other that regularly, knew less about each other (or just knew what’s on the surface) and well, there were at least ten more people at all their gatherings.

Come of to think of it, it has been 10 (will be 11 in June) years since I graduated from high school. Ouch.

How are your “friends” relationships? How did things change when your friends started dating?

7 Fun & Invaluable Relationship Lessons from the Film Your Sister’s Sister

Image via movieposter.com.

Your sister’s sister is a fun, heartfelt romantic comedy/drama about friendship, love, sisterhood and loss. If you want a non-spoiled plot summary and review for the movie, head out to my movie blog. I strongly recommend seeing the movie, so if you want to come back after watching, I won’t mind. Just don’t forget to bookmark this post J

So the plot:

Jack (Mark Duplass) is a nice guy, still trying to recover from the death of his brother a year later. He’s not doing well, so his best friend/brother’s ex Iris (Emily Blunt) sends him to her father’s cabin in the woods to sort himself out. But he finds Iris’s sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt) there, trying to get over a break-up. They talk, drink and have fun, and despite being a lesbian, she decides to sleep with Jack. What the hell, right?

Unfortunately, Iris decides to show up the next day, sending Jack into a frenzy to hide their one-night stand Hannah is amused, deciding that Jack has feelings for Iris, though he denies it. Irish later confesses to her sister that she might be in love with Jack.  Upon hearing this, Hannah decides to keep the night to herself too.

There’s just one problem: Hannah wants to get pregnant, so she might have “rigged” the condom.

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It’s a toughie: to have a potentially pregnant sister, fathered by the guy you love, who happens to be your dead ex’s brother. So you have problems regardless of Jack’s feelings for you. Of course Jack is in love with you too, but with a dead brother, he will make sure you make up with your sister first. Still, a lot of the drama can be avoided (for real life. For the movie, the amount/intensity of conflicts were just right.) if you just share your feelings with your sibling and the object of your affection.

So below are 7 fun, but essential, pearls of wisdom inspired by this lovely film:

1) Keep your sibling up to date about your relationship status. Your sister deserves to know if your boyfriend/girlfriend is suffocating you. It’ll relieve you too.

2) Keep your sibling up to date about your feelings for your best friend. Hannah wouldn’t have slept with Jack, had she known Iris’ feelings.

3) Don’t try to get pregnant by your sister’s best friend without telling the guy. Obviously it’s always unfair to get pregnant under false circumstances and without letting the guy know. It’s especially atrocious if he’s in love with your sister and she’s in love with him.

4) Don’t try to get pregnant by your sister’s best friend without telling your sister about this idea first.

5) Don’t get hammered and sleep with your best friend’s sibling if you have feelings for the best friend.

6) Get suspicious if your bestie’s lesbian sister suddenly wants to sleep with you. Emphasize on the word lesbian.

7) Assuming that you somehow found yourself in this dilemma, let your best friend know before he/she learns it from somebody else.

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Have you ever been in a tricky situation regarding your sibling and/or best friend? Please let us know in the comments.

And do share this article if you’ve enjoyed it J

Religion vs. Dating: How much do you care about your date’s relationship with God?

Image via chicago-dating.net

I’m one of the least religious people you’ll ever meet. I sing John Lennon’s Imagine, and mean every word-especially the part about religion.

It baffles and saddens me what people do to each other because of religion. Leaving wars and other types of violence for deeper posts (and blogs), I also detest it when people get extremely prejudiced against other people.

That being said, I’m not so oblivious to the fact that I’m a bit prejudiced about extremely religious people. If they are open and sweet people, I admire them. But when people think that heaven is all about following one particular religion blindly, it does get on my nerves.

Oh, I never said I don’t believe in God. I do. However I see where atheists come from and respect their opinions too.

I don’t like how religions are interpreted for the most of the time. I believe that we should just all be as nice and humane as possible, and if there is a higher being, we will all be just judged according to how good we have been. However I doubt being good has a lot to do with what we wear, how much we date or how much we follow a society’s norms.

So when it comes to dating, I wouldn’t want to date an overtly, strictly religious person- whatever that religion might be. I don’t care for traditions if I haven’t created them, and when it comes to following rituals, I’m too questioning to just join in for the ride.

Why does religion matter? Do you also not date people who don’t support your favorite sports teams? What, did my analogy see shallow or stupid? Don’t get mad just yet - bear with me:

I have a favorite soccer team. Do you know why? Because my dad supports it. When I was 2, I was supporting my mom’s team, who was supporting my uncle’s team. Guess what, she doesn’t care about soccer either, but my uncle does, and so does my dad. So she and my grandmother, as a gesture to my dad, made me switch. And because I’ve been sort of supporting my dad’s team for over two decades now, I’m used to it.

I like it when they win because it puts my dad in a good mood. And I do get the faintest of thrills. Faintest, because if they lose, I couldn’t care less.

I have a religion too, by the way. Guess what? My mother and my father belong to this religion. They are both sort of religious, though they are not strict. I was born into it, and if you asked me if I had a religion, I sort of have an answer. Do I feel like I belong there? Not really. I accept a few basic rules that seem logical and humane (and stuff that no religion or a moral person can argue with. You know, like, killing is bad).

Because of this “light” relationship I have with religion, I really don’t care what what religion any guy I date belongs or doesn’t belong to.

But the more religious people get, the more they tend to want to be with people who share their beliefs, so I feel that I’m more suited for agnostics, or people like me, who were born into their religions, and don’t feel any closer to any other religion to go about changing theirs.   

But at 28, as much as I don’t care about soccer, I wouldn’t change my team. Just like I wouldn’t change my religion. And I wouldn’t ask anyone to change his.

How about you? Does your (lack of) religion/belief affect your romantic life? And how so?

Imagine Lyrics

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one