Would You Date the Ultimate Adventurer? On Free Spirits, Romance and Out of Africa

Picture this: He’s handsome and muscular in a manly way, the rock-hard body gained through outdoorsy activities. He’s ruggedly attractive, but clean cut looks good on him too - should he choose to get one.

He’s dressed in a universally acceptable code- mostly jeans, pastel colors (or he can go bright blue occasionally to bring out the color of his eyes.) He’s taller than you. He’s also charismatic, confident and only cocky to those that deserve it. He is a nice guy at the core, and he is foremost in love with his independence, and more often than not, nature.

They can get very romantic when they like you, and going on dates with them can be exhilarating.  They don’t mind being loyal,either.  Maybe it is a part of their code, or maybe it’s because they hardly have time to romance one woman. Being adventurer is a full-time personality need...

Does that remind you of a couple of movie heroes? Depending on your age and preference, I could be talking about Robert Redford’s Denys in Out of Africa (1985), Vincent Perez’s Paolo in I Dreamed of Africa (2000) or Hugh Jackman’s Drover in Australia (2008)… 

Image via movie-poster-artwork-finder.com

You know the archetype.  But when the “honeymoon period” is over, and the couple begins to feel like they are falling for each other, things start to change. The fact that the woman wants to spend more time together starts to get to the guy.

Mind you, with more time, we are not talking about being together all the time. But when one side starts spending the relationship as a hotel, coming and going as he pleases, his loyalty, romantic gestures and sexual talents start not mounting up to much.

A relationship doesn’t have to be boring, predictable or stifling. It’s good to give each other some space, have friends that are not common and have some separate activities. But it all goes downhill when one side wants to make all the shots. 

Out of Africa is not the ideal romance, but it serves as a great fantasy- for a bit.

Until the great hunter Denys starts getting itchy when Karen (Meryl Streep) doesn’t want to feel alone anymore. 

You see, I might not be able to identify with a woman who moves to Africa (from Denmark) and runs a large coffee farm there, but I can certainly empathize when she realizes that being alone when you are supposedly with someone is worse than being alone on your own.

No, they don’t have to get married. They don’t have to be official anything. But if it is a big deal-breaker for the guy when the woman wants to feel more like she has a boyfriend, it is a big deal breaker for the woman when the guy wants to do whatever/whenever and not include her needs and wants in his plans. 

I love this dialogue from the movie. It takes place right around the time expectations clash:

Karen: When you go away on safari, are you ever with someone else?

Denys: I’d be with you if I wanted to be with anyone.

Karen: Ever get lonely?

Denys: Sometimes.

Karen: You ever wonder if I’m lonely?

 Denys: No, I don’t.

Karen: You think about me at all?

Denys: Often.

Karen: But not enough to come back.

Denys:I do come back. All the time. What is it?

(I’m skipping the part where Karen talks about marriage and Denys says that a piece of paper won’t make him love her more because I agree with Denys there. And marriage is really the least of their problems. Though that part provides some nice light humor as well.)

Karen: When you go away, you don’t always go on a safari, do you?

Denys: No.

Karen: Just want to be away.

Denys: It’s not meant to hurt you.

Karen: It does.

Denys: Karen I’m with you because I choose to be with you. I don’t want to live somebody else’s idea of how to live. Don’t ask me to do that.

It’s ironic how he insists on being himself, because it is his life- but he doesn’t acknowledge that he is asking her to live his idea of a life, romance, relationship. I could totally relate to Karen hesitating between wanting to be with him and kicking his butt out in the wilderness for once and for all. She does both, by the way.

Sure, it is only a movie. Except this movie was based on a true story. (So was I Dreamed of Africa, on a side note.) 

You know this guy. You’ve met him before, or at least heard about him.

The idea of a ruggedly handsome, outdoorsy, adventurous type might sound alluring. A fling with such a guy might be something worth trying out. But don’t let him make all the rules, especially if you don’t have a very similar personality. 

If you are similar, it just might be a match made in heaven, or hell, depending on if when you want to be alone coincides with his. 

Image via reelclub.wordpress.com

P.S. The relationships in these movies usually end with one of them finally breaking it up, the guy dying or both. Sometimes both sides realize it is not realistic to expect to get it their way all the time, and a little compromise is worth it if you love someone.

Would you date a stripper? On Dating (Ex-) Strippers & Channing Tatum

Strippers of Magic Mike. Actors from left: Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Alex Pettyfer.

I wouldn’t. I think. The thing is I’ve never met one. Honestly.

The whole stripper at a bachelorette party thing isn't my thing, and I fail to see the turn-on in paying someone to take their clothes of you. And no, I’m not fond of strip joints, whether they are for guys or girls.

But let’s say you or I met a stripper, at a strip club or not. What are the chances of the guy being a total hunk? Even if he is hunky, we’d still have “the number of female admirers” problem.

Yes, obviously personality and things in common matter more than looks, but how do you get to the stage with the problem stated above?

Would you really be happy about dating a guy whose job includes turning women on, who are throwing themselves at him? Yes, there should be trust and all that, but I think dating a stripper might be pushing your trusting limits a bit...

Feel free to share you stripper dating/not-dating thoughts and experiences.

Dating an ex-stripper: The Channing Tatum Example

But would you date an ex-stripper? Let’s say that he’s about your age, has done a bit of stripping for whatever reason and now he has no intention of looking back. 

What if he is nice, good-looking and seems to be a good date? What if...wait for it...he looks like Channing Tatum?

Image via seat42f.com

Yes, we are talking about Magic Mike. As fun, cool and gorgeous Mike (Channing Tatum) was, I could totally relate to why Brooke (Cody Horn) wasn’t willing to let her guard down around him.

·         Magic Mike movie spoilers ahead, though you saw it coming from the title

But when he quits, for her and for himself, she doesn’t mind getting together with him. And why not? Past is past; and a stripping job on one’s resume is not something you can’t get over. And we’re guessing this is what Jenna Dewan-Tatum feels like, since Magic Mike was inspired by Tatum’s experiences as a stripper. 

Yep, you read it correctly. He worked as a stripper.

And from the looks of it, Jenna is lucky. He’s great-looking, smart (have you looked at his movie resume/grosses and co-stars?), seems friendly, keeps good company (friends with Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and all .

I still don’t think we’d end up as lucky as Brooke (Cody Horn)’s character or Jenna though.

So would you date a stripper? An ex-stripper?

Or have you dated one?

When Age Differences Are OK: Inspired by Perception’s Daniel and Kate

I did two other posts (The husband is 11 years older than the wife! What an outrage, and Older Women dating Younger Men vs. Older Men Dating Younger Women) on this, but the rant back is on.

Because some people refuse to get it. Of course it is completely OK and natural to disagree, but finding it creepy or unlikely seems a bit over the top, since the couple they deem creepy is fictional, have only a 17-year-gap between them and well…we’ll get to the reasons why they make a good match.

Ask any woman whether she’d hook up with a guy she found really hot who was really into her. Let’s suppose he is smart, nice, gorgeous, exciting, interesting, and they have tons in common. And he’s not rich, neither is she.

Now tell her he’s 15 years older than her. And see how many women would say no. I know I wouldn’t.

In high school, we used to joke that Mel Gibson and Richard Gere would be very attractive when they got older. We were wrong about Gibson, but Gere...that man owns the description of aging gracefully.

And it is not to say I go for older guys as a rule or due to some deep Freudian issue. I have liked and found attractive tons of guys who are my age/a couple of years older/a couple of years younger.

Alex Pettyfer in I'm Number Four. Image via scifiscoop.com.

While I was watching I’m Number 4, I couldn’t believe Alex Pettyfer was born in 1990 (making him 6 years younger than me). He looked way older, and oozed a certain appeal baby-faced actors lacked. But winning over in the charm department was Timothy Olyphant, who tends to look younger than his years (despite being born in 1968.)

Timothy Olyphant. Ditch the greys, and he can easily play 30-somethings. Image via michaelmay.blogspot.com.

To me, it doesn’t make sense to complain about age differences within TV/movie pairings They happen quite often in real life too, so it is only art imitating life.

When I say Jon Bon Jovi is hot and some girls disagree with me, it is because they aren’t into blondes. I haven’t heard “Yuck, he is so old/(er).” from another female yet.

The Richard Gere-Winona Ryder pairing in Autumn in New York didn’t work, but it wasn’t because of the age difference. It was because the story was horrible. Besides, cheating on the supposed love of your life don’t belong in romantic dramas. Older or younger.

Now on to Perception, Eric McCormack’s Daniel & Rachael Leigh Cook’s Kate

Apparently some viewers find it “creepy” that Rachael Leigh Cook’s and Eric McCormack’s characters have romantic feelings for each other. OK, what’s not to get? The guy is gorgeous, and I don’t know which 49-year-olds they were looking at, but aside from Dylan McDermott and Tom Cruise, not many look like that! And it’s not just me.

Eric McCormack as Daniel and Rachel Leigh Cook as Rachel.Image via assignmentx.com.

During one recent interview, the male presenter asked McCormack: “Just in what attic is your painting aging?” 

Now, leaving aside from his looks, Daniel Pierce has an adorable style and brains, he is nice, unique and he cracks intricate cases. Kate (Rachel Leigh Cook) used to be his student, so there’s tons of respect/admiration going on. 

It’s about being a match on many levels.

I might very well end up with a 40something that remained single because he didn’t want kids- because I don’t want kids. It’s about what you want in life – and being in the same place.

Kate did date a guy (Jamie Bamber) 10 years younger than Daniel. Also cute, also a professor. He just wasn’t that interesting or attractive to her.

Jamie Bamber as Michael Hathaway.

So it’s all about the relationship feeling good and being fine. Are you both grown enough to know who you are and what you want? Do you like each other? Give it a go. Who the hell cares if there is some age difference?

And P.S. If Daniel Pierce asked me out, I’d jump at it.

So no, the writers aren’t being creepy. Or delusional. Or discriminative. They are just writing the obvious.
  

It might be a cliche that a former student would have a crush on a former professor, but it’d be a lot less believable if she didn’t. Especially if she wants someone unique, and really good-looking.

My Favorite Couples with Age Differences: Movies, TV Shows & Real Life:

(P.P.S The pairings include older women-younger men as well)

• Awake: Jason Isaacs (1963)-Laura Allen (1974)
• Perception: Eric McCormack (1963) – Rachel Leigh Cook (1979)
• *Lie to Me: Tim Roth (1961) – Kelli Williams (1970)

(*Though Roth's and Williams' characters never dated, it was often implied, and sometimes outright stated, that they were in love with each other) 

• The Vampire Diaries:Ian Somerhalder (1978)- Nina Dobrev (1989). They are also dating in real life.
• I Could Never BeYour Woman: Michelle Pfeiffer (1958)-PauL Rudd (1969)
• Bull Durham: Susan Sarandon (1946)- Kevin Costner (1955)
• Missing: *Ashley Judd (1968)- Sean Bean (1959)

(*Ashley Judd’s real life husband is 5 years younger than her.)

• The Island: Ewan McGregor(1971)-Scarlett Johansson (1984)
• *Liam Neeson and whoever you pair him up with. He looks good with any pretty actress you put him next to, probably because he looks great taking every single villain down in the films.

(*Neeson’s real life wife Natasha Richardson was 11 years younger than him, and they were married for 15 years – until she died in 2009.)

…..

The list goes on.

As long as there are on ulterior motives (money, status, career advancement, manipulation…) and no abuse of power/authority, and both sides are of legal age, you should just go with the flow and enjoy it.

But I am not without my own double-standards. I have to draw the line at having a generation in between. And by generation, I mean the age difference shouldn’t really be over 20. Especially after 25, if we are talking about serious relationships, it kind of makes the growing old together concept tricky, don't you think?

Why Is Everyone (Getting) Married?

Image via 1.bp.blogspot.com

    I am not against mariage, let's start with that. It is a lovely concept;  if you have found someone you are sure you would like to spend your lifetime with- someone who you are madly in love with and the person feels the same about you. Someone you can joke around with, be yourself with and someone you love because they are who they are; not despite  who they are.

But I find it really hard to believe that so many people found that person in their early/mid 20s. And that the majority of the married couples in late 20s/early 30s are considering making babies. Whoa! Will everyone slow down for a minute? When did all this happen? I am in my mid 20s and definitely not opposed to romance and passion and some casual flirtation thrown in for good measure... But marriage??? Children??? In-laws??? Calling your partner's parents "Mom" and "Dad"??

I am in the process of finding out a  plan to make my dreams come true, to gain true financial independence  and to just go crazy and all that. I am not saying I don't want to find someone. But right now, I don't want to go into that forever business. Even if  this amazing person comes along and happens to be as nuts as I am and have similar dreams and such, we wouldn't get married. Not now!!! I mean come on!!!!

And it is alright if he doesn't appear in these chapters in my life. Oh of course I complain about being single. But what I am really whining about is that I don't have enough fun with the opposite sex. I don't have numbers to call when I want to party all night and dance until dawn. I don't get to meet hot strangers a lot. There lies my concern.

I think that being in a serious relationship is a big deal! Moving in right away is totally unnecessary and very scary. So how come are people so eager to jump into marriage?

It starts about during the last year(s) of university. Friends/friends of friends start to get married. But the number isn't that large. Then you graduate and invitations start piling up. People barely out of college talk weddings and budgets and all that. You take a job and your boss who is not even 10 years older than you, is married and is considering having a baby. Oh and by boss, I mean a guy who co-runs a music site and deals with studios and bars and all that. I meet long- haired, metal-loving guys who look like they came straight out of a 90s Metallica concert and see rings on their fingers.

When did everyone get married? Ok, so maybe- it is not that big of a stretch for 35 year-olds being married but people in their 20s? What's up with that? The wedding dresses, furniture hunting? Surely not all of these people found their soulmate?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am sure there are a lot of actual feelings and "eternal bliss" involved. But I also believe that the overworking biological clocks and the seeming convenience of marriage have increased the numbers.

People should acknowledge the fact that not everyone has to be married and/or have a baby. It sucks if people are doing it because they think it is time or because they get to have regular sex. It sucks if they are doing it because they parents would rather have them tie the knot than have them live together...

I am a romantic of the worst kind. But I also am addicted to excitement and adventure and discovery. I am thinking there will be guys in my life who get me. Until that happens, I will enjoy the ride of singledom. And I sure as hell won't get married because it is just so "in", or rent is cheaper or all my friends are doing it!!!

Arrogance in the Opposite Sex: Turn on or Turn off?

Image via jasonlove.com

When I was 18, I had a huge crush on a friend’s classmate. It wasn’t that he was earth-shatteringly good-looking. He was just exactly my type. In addition to being tall and cute, he also had this charming, down-to-earth attitude about him that I really liked. He wasn’t full of himself.

Nearly a decade later, a lot of things have changed in my life but my taste in men still remains the same.  Now, I don’t have anything against drop-dead-gorgeous guys. In fact, I welcome them. My problem is with guys – gorgeous or not- who are too in love with how they look. You know the type: the one that makes you want to sing Too Sexy from Right Said Fred.

Remember how that song went? Too sexy for my shirt/too sexy for this party/….

In case you don’t know or remember this hilarious song from the 90s, check out the video.

So I don’t know about you, but arrogance is a major turn-off for me. Mind you, I am not saying confidence. Confidence rocks…unless it makes me want to sing from Right Said Fred…

For instance, my favorite romantic comedy movie character ever is Jack (played by Bill Pullman) in While You Were Sleeping. Jack is nice, honest, fun and good-looking in a classic sort of way. I have always found Bill Pullman cute, charming and handsome but my favorite Pullman character is Jack- both with his looks and character. You see, Jack has flaws; but they only make him more likable. And he is not in lust with himself.

So among all the romantic films I’ve seen, that’s why Pullman’s Jack does it for me. He is just adorable.

If I need to give more fictional examples, I prefer Stefan over Damon (The Vampire Diaries), Matt over Tyler (still Vampire Diaries) and Sam over Dean (Supernatural. Remember the first 2 seasons when Sam was sort of shy?)..I guess you got my point.

But what about you? Does arrogance turn you on? Off? Or you don’t really care?

Who are your favorite arrogant/humble fictional characters?

If Opposites Really Attract, Are You Golden or Just Screwed?

You know how the saying goes: opposites attract. Frankly, I'm allergic to it because I haven't been once been attracted to a guy whose personality is a complete opposite of mine. But many men I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me, but to girls with pretty much they have nothing in common. So if this saying has a point, I am totally screwed.

I’m talkative, energetic, full of-life, a romantic and a dreamer. I am also really passionate and fun-loving. I value honesty and loyalty. So how can I possibly be attracted to a guy who is really quiet, shy and introverted? Or anti-social? Or to a guy who is a total jerk?  Or to a square guy who lacks imagination and passion?

Something New poster via celebritywonder.com

This article was originally inspired by the movie Something New starring Simon Baker. In the movie, Simon Baker’s character Brian pretty much represents everything I want in a guy. Yes, I think Simon always looks great with his wavy blonde hair. And I would pretty much give up heels (I am 5’9”, Simon is 5’10”) for a guy like that. And I talked about how we can be attracted to different looking guys so let’s get to the real issue: personality and how he treats the girl.,

Brian is a landscape architect. He used to be a copywriter at an advertising agency but he hated it. So he is educated but his dreams are more important than fat paychecks. He is smart and independent enough to run his own business. He’s also impulsive, fun-loving, cute, easy-going and social. Add romantic and loyal to the bunch. Yes, Brian is awesome.   

Cut to his love-interest Kenya- who is meticulous, well-planned, who is a workaholic, a little conservative, a little biased, a little racist (she is black, Brian is white). She has a very hard time letting go and she is not always easy to be around. Now, if you want to know what the movie is all about, how they meet and how they hook up and everything, you can read the review here: Something New starring Simon Baker.

But the issue on this post is not romantic comedies, Simon Baker or racism. It is if we are attracted to people who are similar to us or different than us. And I am pretty much like a female Brian. The only difference is that I am a writer. Oh, and I want a romantic, easy-going guy who is not prejudiced about stuff.

Mind you, there will always be differences and things in common. And I am aware of that. What we are talking about is core characteristics and outlook on life.

So if guys’ minds work like Brian’s in real world, I really am screwed. How about you? Tell me your stories about being attracted to guys- how they were similar to or different from you!

3 Must-See Relationship Movies: 500 Days of Summer, He Said She Said & He’s Just Not That Into You

We can argue that all movies are about relationships on some level but some movies depend on the evolution of relationships alone and some romantic comedies are just really better than other - at being more real.

Here are 3 that you should give a shot to:

He’s Just Not That Into You  - 2009

Starring Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long and Drew Barrymore

Based on the best- selling book of the same name and featuring a stellar cast, this is a really good romantic comedy. I’ll warn you though- the movie features many stories and some of them (2, actually) have happy endings. If you want more truth, read the book. The book is as entertaining and as in-your-face as non-fiction can ever get. I have a detailed review of both the movie and the book here.

He said, she said - 1991

Starring Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Perkins

He Said She Said movie poster from moviegoods.com

Journalists Dan (Kevin Bacon) and Lorie (Elizabeth Perkins) are journalists working at the same office and having opposite views. This colorful opposition lands them their own TV show called He Said, She Said. Of course eventually they get romantically involved and things get complicated. The story is told in three parts: he said, she said and what really happened.

In "he said", we listen to Kevin Bacon’s side of the story – where she comes off as a needy, bitchy, hard-to-get-along woman where he pretty much does nothing wrong.

In "she said", we listen to Elizabeth Perkins' side- where he comes off an immature, insensitive jerk who is impossible to have an adult relationship with.

The third and the most fun part of the movie is the "What Really Happened" section- we don’t get biased versions but what actually happened and it is neither like her version, nor his.

This is a wonderfully charming and honest movie about how we tend not to put ourselves in the other one’s shoes. It feels easier to place the blame to one side, but things are almost never that simple.

This is one romantic comedy when it is not about a happy or unhappy ending – but the communications problems we have.It may not have the best plot, but I love how the story is told.

500 Days of Summer – 2009

Starring Joseph Gordon – Levitt & Zooey Deschanel 

This movie is bittersweet- it is funny and told in its own

unique way as well as managing to be sad and romantic- although the omance is one-sided.

It is how the movie differentiates itself - the boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) falls in love, the girl (Zooey Deschanel) doesn’t. It is not for the moments when you want to get your happy ending and mutual love-  at least in a film. But if you are cynical, this movie is perfect. 

Detailed review and plot can be read here.