Cynicism Explained Through the Reactions to A Lovely Bryan Adams Song: Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love

(Don't mind the foreign text. The song is the original version.)

I’m a romantic. Always have been. I mean let’s look at some of the evidence:

•             As a reader, I love reading exciting romances, no matter which genre the romance is incorporated into. But yes, I also love reading romantic comedies. And watching them, obviously.
•            For crying out loud, my favorite band is Bon Jovi. My favorite movie is Braveheart. My third favorite movie? The Crow. Also in the top ten? Pride and Prejudice.
•          I love Bryan Adams.
•            As a screenwriter, my specialty is romance, comedy and drama combinations.

But, and this is a big but, I’m not the romantic I used to be in middle school or high school. I had some real life “romantic” experiences, and I got a little cynical.

Image via amazon.com.

I didn’t have huge heatbreaks. My relationship attempts never got to that point. And maybe that is the problem. I have had major bad surprises and some stellar disappointments. Add to my experiences, the experiences of my friends and well...the cynicism level only rises.

And while at my core, I will always be a romantic, I am also a cynic. Come on. Who reaches their 30s with their romantic genes completely untouched in the 21st century?

Let me talk about the moment I knew I was a cynic.

I have pretty much all of Bryan Adams’ albums. I have seen him live twice, and if I get the chance, I won’t mind seeing him at least ten more. Not only does he have one of my favorite voices, he is also great with his audience. He is humble, funny and is a damn good rocker.

And one of my favorite Bryan Adams songs is Why Do You Have to Be So Hard to Love from the Room Service album.

When I first heard the song, I loved it. It was so lovely and sweet. And as you can imagine, the story is of a man falling for a woman who is hard to love. She is not open. She’s distant. And here is this sweet guy suffering from her behavior.

Could I be any more naive? Or more under Adams’ spell? (In my defense, I’d marry the guy today to hear him sing more. He is an awesome singer.)

But then I grew up. And while I was listening to the song, this was my reaction:

“Shut up, you whiner! Do you even know what she had to put up with before she met you? Yeah, chances are this is all her, but either way, do you love her in spite of this? Then, my congratulations, you deserve a shot. But if you are drawn to her because of this, then you deserve all the suffering she sends through your way, idiot!"

Yep. My reaction to a potentially purely fictional situation.

Don’t worry. My reaction to Everything I Do, I Do It For You hasn’t changed. And don’t mind me, Why Do You Have to be So Hard to Love is fantastic whether you are in a romantic mood, can relate to the guy’s situation, or just need to calm a headache.

But when a guy sings to/of/about a woman being distant, untrusting or cynical, it is hard for me not to question his motives. Show some empathy, dude. Take things slow. She doesn’t have to get all cuddly from the first date. She doesn't know if you are really that good, or you are just pretending until you can take her for granted. All you can do is stick around and prove you are worth her time. 

In the mean time, keep in my mind that we know Pride and Prejudice is just a novel, and neither Matthew Mcfadyen or Colin Firth are Mr. Darcy. 

How Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Matthew Macfadyen's Darcy Ruined Women Forever

Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in 2005's Pride and Prejudice

Well, I love Jane Austen. I haven’t read all her novels, and I do have a sneaking suspicion that I won’t fall in love with her other stories as much as I did with Pride and Prejudice. I read the novel, watched the 2005 film with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen and later went on to watch the 1995 TV series starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. And maybe because I watched the movie first, for me the perfect Darcy is Matthew Macfadyen. I love Firth to bits, but my heart is Matthew’s with this one. (I do like Darcy's awkward and adorable lawyer Mark Darcy, though.)

I am a romantic, and I do watch a lot of romantic movies. So far I wrote reviews for a lot of them and even started an article series called Too Romantic for Your Own Good. It has parts 1 and 2.The 3^rd installment is on its way.

So even though the movies I listed in those articles involve some really great male characters, let’s face it- they don’t hold a candle to Darcy. Well, if you need a memory check on the movie, this is the place to go.

Now that you are all with me on the story:

Darcy is…..(again based both on the book and the movie):

*Confident.

Though he comes off as arrogant at first, he is actually reserved and a little shy when he fist faces an encounter. But he is so confident; you could never tell he was just a little bit shy.

*Romantic

Oh my God, do you remember how he declared his love? Sure there were moments when he pissed us off with some of the stuff that came out of his mouth (and he was spot on about her mother), but the way he tells Lizzy he loves her…and when he tells her. Oh, the rain…

And obviously how he tells again at the end. Okay, in case you want to relive the moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R-Zg5es7mg

And then the second declaration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtIgc3WAsSk&feature=related

*Handsome.

Tall, dark, brooding, blue-eyed, gorgeous British man who also happens to be caring and romantic... And upon that, he actually is cute. Go figure.

*Nice

Well, he corrected his mistake and made sure Bingley and Jane got the happy ending they deserved. Then he prevented a scandal for one of the sisters. Yes, he was doing it for Elizabeth.

*Rich

OK, with this qualities, any sane woman would not care about his finances. But he also happens to be rich. Oh. My. God. Seriously.

**
Yes, this is a fictional character created by a woman. And Darcy just is played by the adorable Matthew Macfadyen. But this doesn’t change the fact that millions of women are still in love with a character created hundreds of years ago. The problem is, even though we have lowered our expectations for the guys we run across in real life, Darcy still is the “dream” guy. It is how a guy should be. He doesn’t really have to be rich or insanely handsome but he has to be able to feel as intensely as Darcy , and has to have the guts to tell them to you, screw the consequences…

This the fairy tale story and ending (and casting) that ruined us all. And yes, deep down, I will always be wanting Darcy. So the next time a guy complains about all women being hopeless romantics, you can just show him how it all started. Tell him to blame it on Austen.  Women and our  “extremely unrealistic” expectations…Poor(?!) men. How are they going to keep up? I mean we do want them to be sensitive and impulsive and romantic and loving…oh, and nice and consistent.

Have you met him?  If you did, and you are into him, do marry him! Or date him forever. Whatever suits you;)

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