Update: I’m Back!

Hi, everyone! I’m sorry it has been too long since my last post. 

I promise to make up for it in the upcoming weeks. I’ve been working on adding new pieces to my portfolio (in addition to my blog) and I’ve had quite a few colds to deal with. I’ve acquired some great new tips and mantras to improve my health, which I’ll be sharing on my other blog Beauty,Fitness and Style for the Fun-Loving Girl, which is also due for a serious update.

I’ve also entered several screenwriting competitions, including The Bluecat Screenplay Competition and Emerging Screenwriters. In the following months, I also plan to enter Stage32 Happy Writers TV writing competition and Capital Funds Screenplay Competition.

I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t procrastinating (much)! :)

The next post is coming soon, and until then here’re some of my dating posts published on the website GoWeLoveIt:

How Much Do You Really Owe Your Ex?

10 Things About Weddings Even Romantics Might Hate

And a post featuring 3 great date movies:

3 Must See One-Day Romances

When Your Friends Are Dating/Married: Do You Feel Like You’re Dating All Together?

Image via digitalspy.co.uk

I have a group of friends from high school who I see kind of regularly. There is an organized meeting usually once a month where we hang out at several locations in one day, spend a couple of hours and talk our butts off. But the friends from Friends TV show, we ain’t.

We kind of used to be like Friends, to be honest. In the beginning. We were 7 people (that’s almost 6, give me a break!), and we even had a brother-sister and a couple in our group for crying out loud!

We hung out a lot in the town (it’s actually a neighborhood bigger than the town I stayed in when I lived in Norway- which I totally adored, but that’s another post) where we went to high school, frequented several bars and coffee shops, and had a blast. We talked about anything and everything. We were there for each other, and we knew what was going on in each other’s lives without having to check Facebook. Heck, there were even regular phone calls and house parties.

Then we grew up a little, and dynamics changed severely.

The couple of in the group had a more tumultuous relationship than Ross and Rachel, but they did manage to tie to knot.

One guy dated some girls that didn’t quite suit the group (or suit him, for that matter), but then found the love of his love – and the two serious couples couples started spending more time together than ever, especially after they also got married.

Another guy also managed to hook up with a girl who for some reason didn’t like the group all that much. They moved in together, and we started to see less of him. Or let’s say I saw less of him. We used to be a lot closer.

This is not to say our group got smaller. It kind of doubled in numbers in the most cliché fashion, you decide: another high school friend started hanging out with us more, bringing along two more high school friends who were tighter with some of the people in our group. Then this guy started dating the sister of the girl in group number 2 (separating groups is not to be excluding, but to make sure you don’t get confused) and the group merged into one. Confused yet? I’d totally draw a chart or comic strip if I could draw anything.

The other guy in that second group was also seeing a girl who we got to meet and like, and (I’m guessing she liked us too) so she occasionally tagged along, which is cool.

But the brother in the original group went to study abroad, the sister started taking (and than giving) intense dance lessons (hence missing a lot of gatherings) and well, I didn’t feel like I belonged to the chatter of marriage and in-laws and serious relationships.

Oh, the marriage of our Chandler and Monica unfortunately ended up in divorce, so there is this subtle awkwardness in our meetings now.

The guy dating the sister in the other group married the sister, by the way, and they seem happy. Fingers crossed for their relationship.

I was at the birthday dinner of the second married couple, and the attendance of the original 7 Friends was initially 2, then came up to 4. Surprise, surprise, we weren’t all together.

Nowadays our headcount reaches twenty or so, many of them being siblings/friends/dates/spouses of the parties we know.  Many of them are nice, so it is not a problem.

In theory, we are meeting new and nice people and which is great. But when you take a closer look, you’ll see that I know a lot less about my friends’ lives now.

I know the official stories - who they are with, where they are working and their general happiness level. But that’s about it. They know about the same about me. Any other extra info, we get from social media. Oh, the joy...

A couple of months ago, in a form of sweet rebellion, I organized a girls-only night – and invited all the girls in my currently huge group. Only the original sister (refer to the first “Friends” mentioned) couldn’t make it. Well working/dancing and dating far away from everyone else does take its toll.

When you looked at it, I only knew one of the girls from the original group from way, way back. But it was a lot of fun, and we got to talk. I plan to organize more.

The point is, when most of your friends get engaged or married, they tend to hang with other couples and/or people in large numbers. I suppose it’s a time-saving tactic. With all the work, responsibilities of a marriage (such as in-law visits) and managing your own household, they can’t afford too many small groups. And they do want to talk about couples’ stuff, and couples relate better (to have a laugh, try Friends season 8, episode 4 – where Monica and Chandler piss Phoebe and Joey off with their obsession to make friends with a couple). And Joey hilariously comments, pointing to him and Phoebe: “You mean one, two people? A couple?”

I’m not on a best-friend or closer friend status as I used to be for the original group. And I’m more like a close acquaintance to the extended group. And it is fine, because it goes both ways. The problem with it, though, it really makes me question the quality of the time we spend together. How much we know, how close we are.

I guess many (still) consider me the Phoebe of the group. Well, I’m the only freelancer among them. And being more persistently single, confirmity-rejecting and having “quirky” ideas (like not wanting kids, wanting to own a beach house in Malibu and all that), I can see where they come from.

Maybe this is why Friends lasted only 10 years. They didn’t want us to see that they stopped hanging out with each other that regularly, knew less about each other (or just knew what’s on the surface) and well, there were at least ten more people at all their gatherings.

Come of to think of it, it has been 10 (will be 11 in June) years since I graduated from high school. Ouch.

How are your “friends” relationships? How did things change when your friends started dating?

7 Fun & Invaluable Relationship Lessons from the Film Your Sister’s Sister

Image via movieposter.com.

Your sister’s sister is a fun, heartfelt romantic comedy/drama about friendship, love, sisterhood and loss. If you want a non-spoiled plot summary and review for the movie, head out to my movie blog. I strongly recommend seeing the movie, so if you want to come back after watching, I won’t mind. Just don’t forget to bookmark this post J

So the plot:

Jack (Mark Duplass) is a nice guy, still trying to recover from the death of his brother a year later. He’s not doing well, so his best friend/brother’s ex Iris (Emily Blunt) sends him to her father’s cabin in the woods to sort himself out. But he finds Iris’s sister Hannah (Rosemarie DeWitt) there, trying to get over a break-up. They talk, drink and have fun, and despite being a lesbian, she decides to sleep with Jack. What the hell, right?

Unfortunately, Iris decides to show up the next day, sending Jack into a frenzy to hide their one-night stand Hannah is amused, deciding that Jack has feelings for Iris, though he denies it. Irish later confesses to her sister that she might be in love with Jack.  Upon hearing this, Hannah decides to keep the night to herself too.

There’s just one problem: Hannah wants to get pregnant, so she might have “rigged” the condom.

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It’s a toughie: to have a potentially pregnant sister, fathered by the guy you love, who happens to be your dead ex’s brother. So you have problems regardless of Jack’s feelings for you. Of course Jack is in love with you too, but with a dead brother, he will make sure you make up with your sister first. Still, a lot of the drama can be avoided (for real life. For the movie, the amount/intensity of conflicts were just right.) if you just share your feelings with your sibling and the object of your affection.

So below are 7 fun, but essential, pearls of wisdom inspired by this lovely film:

1) Keep your sibling up to date about your relationship status. Your sister deserves to know if your boyfriend/girlfriend is suffocating you. It’ll relieve you too.

2) Keep your sibling up to date about your feelings for your best friend. Hannah wouldn’t have slept with Jack, had she known Iris’ feelings.

3) Don’t try to get pregnant by your sister’s best friend without telling the guy. Obviously it’s always unfair to get pregnant under false circumstances and without letting the guy know. It’s especially atrocious if he’s in love with your sister and she’s in love with him.

4) Don’t try to get pregnant by your sister’s best friend without telling your sister about this idea first.

5) Don’t get hammered and sleep with your best friend’s sibling if you have feelings for the best friend.

6) Get suspicious if your bestie’s lesbian sister suddenly wants to sleep with you. Emphasize on the word lesbian.

7) Assuming that you somehow found yourself in this dilemma, let your best friend know before he/she learns it from somebody else.

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Have you ever been in a tricky situation regarding your sibling and/or best friend? Please let us know in the comments.

And do share this article if you’ve enjoyed it J

Religion vs. Dating: How much do you care about your date’s relationship with God?

Image via chicago-dating.net

I’m one of the least religious people you’ll ever meet. I sing John Lennon’s Imagine, and mean every word-especially the part about religion.

It baffles and saddens me what people do to each other because of religion. Leaving wars and other types of violence for deeper posts (and blogs), I also detest it when people get extremely prejudiced against other people.

That being said, I’m not so oblivious to the fact that I’m a bit prejudiced about extremely religious people. If they are open and sweet people, I admire them. But when people think that heaven is all about following one particular religion blindly, it does get on my nerves.

Oh, I never said I don’t believe in God. I do. However I see where atheists come from and respect their opinions too.

I don’t like how religions are interpreted for the most of the time. I believe that we should just all be as nice and humane as possible, and if there is a higher being, we will all be just judged according to how good we have been. However I doubt being good has a lot to do with what we wear, how much we date or how much we follow a society’s norms.

So when it comes to dating, I wouldn’t want to date an overtly, strictly religious person- whatever that religion might be. I don’t care for traditions if I haven’t created them, and when it comes to following rituals, I’m too questioning to just join in for the ride.

Why does religion matter? Do you also not date people who don’t support your favorite sports teams? What, did my analogy see shallow or stupid? Don’t get mad just yet - bear with me:

I have a favorite soccer team. Do you know why? Because my dad supports it. When I was 2, I was supporting my mom’s team, who was supporting my uncle’s team. Guess what, she doesn’t care about soccer either, but my uncle does, and so does my dad. So she and my grandmother, as a gesture to my dad, made me switch. And because I’ve been sort of supporting my dad’s team for over two decades now, I’m used to it.

I like it when they win because it puts my dad in a good mood. And I do get the faintest of thrills. Faintest, because if they lose, I couldn’t care less.

I have a religion too, by the way. Guess what? My mother and my father belong to this religion. They are both sort of religious, though they are not strict. I was born into it, and if you asked me if I had a religion, I sort of have an answer. Do I feel like I belong there? Not really. I accept a few basic rules that seem logical and humane (and stuff that no religion or a moral person can argue with. You know, like, killing is bad).

Because of this “light” relationship I have with religion, I really don’t care what what religion any guy I date belongs or doesn’t belong to.

But the more religious people get, the more they tend to want to be with people who share their beliefs, so I feel that I’m more suited for agnostics, or people like me, who were born into their religions, and don’t feel any closer to any other religion to go about changing theirs.   

But at 28, as much as I don’t care about soccer, I wouldn’t change my team. Just like I wouldn’t change my religion. And I wouldn’t ask anyone to change his.

How about you? Does your (lack of) religion/belief affect your romantic life? And how so?

Imagine Lyrics

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

Long Distance Relationships vs. Long Distance Friendships: Which One Is Harder?

 

Image via shelovesmagazine.com

It’s funny how long-distance dating is a universally recognized challenge. Everyone has a strong opinion on it. Most of us have either attempted it once, or have supported a friend through their attempts. And hey, I agree. It is a freakin’ hard situation to be in. Because more often than not, one side will be more invested than the other. It almost often ends in tears, and leaves the rest of us swearing off it for good.

But what about long distance friendships? With all the traveling, abroad education and work experience we’ve been getting into all our lives, we make a lot of great friends who live far from us. Some live in other countries, some outright on other continents. Not that living on the far corners of one big country is easy, either. And what about those cities that have more people than most countries?

So how do you go from seeing someone on a regular basis to the obligatory “let’s keep in touch”?

How do you get used to having a really close friend a few doors away or in the same classes to meeting for a couple of times a year? Or just once in a couple of years?

Now, updating each other about our lives had never been easier. We have Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, e-mail, Skype...And hey, there are also cheap flights and accomodation.

But for every option to connect virtually or in real life, there are numerous setbacks. You might have a friend who detests social networking. You probably have a friend who never has money/time when you do and viceversa. Time and money hardly come together. Then there’s work, friends who actually live closer, romantic relationships, starting families, demanding jobs...

In theory, if you both really care about each other and want to make it work, you will make it work. In reality, even if you are adamant about ensuring your friendship will stand the test of time (and distance), neither of you are prone to crises of one kind of the other.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m so not claiming that I’m perfect.

I’ve been known to nag my abroad friends for not keeping touch online, where I have failed to keep in touch with those who live in the same city.

I’ve been known to complain about how romances change people and some friends just can’t multitask (some people are better friends when they are single- meaning they only seem to have time for two things at a time in life), and yet  I have cheated on many friends with work (-work being writing).

Yet with all our faults and virtues, and despite all the conspiracies and surprises life sends our way, we still manage to be more hopeful about our friendships.

I’ve never heard someone say “Nah, long distance friendships never work,” as opposed to the relationship version of that sentence. Hell, I agree with the relationship version of that sentence.

Funnily enough, two of my now long-distance friends were in a relationship. The guy ended it because he didn’t believe in you-know-what. She was so heart-broken. But guess what? The guy was a lot better at maintaining a long distance friendship than she was.

So here’s the deal: I don’t give up on my friendships without a fight. If they show me that they still care about me, regardless of my location and how often they can physically see me, I do my best to make sure we last.  I’d love to think that the people who left an impression on me won’t give up on me easily either.

I’m still skeptical about long-distance romantic relationships. But friendships?  I guess I just care too much.

How about you? Where do you stand when it comes to long distance relationships – whether its friendship or romance?

Would You Date the Ultimate Adventurer? On Free Spirits, Romance and Out of Africa

Picture this: He’s handsome and muscular in a manly way, the rock-hard body gained through outdoorsy activities. He’s ruggedly attractive, but clean cut looks good on him too - should he choose to get one.

He’s dressed in a universally acceptable code- mostly jeans, pastel colors (or he can go bright blue occasionally to bring out the color of his eyes.) He’s taller than you. He’s also charismatic, confident and only cocky to those that deserve it. He is a nice guy at the core, and he is foremost in love with his independence, and more often than not, nature.

They can get very romantic when they like you, and going on dates with them can be exhilarating.  They don’t mind being loyal,either.  Maybe it is a part of their code, or maybe it’s because they hardly have time to romance one woman. Being adventurer is a full-time personality need...

Does that remind you of a couple of movie heroes? Depending on your age and preference, I could be talking about Robert Redford’s Denys in Out of Africa (1985), Vincent Perez’s Paolo in I Dreamed of Africa (2000) or Hugh Jackman’s Drover in Australia (2008)… 

Image via movie-poster-artwork-finder.com

You know the archetype.  But when the “honeymoon period” is over, and the couple begins to feel like they are falling for each other, things start to change. The fact that the woman wants to spend more time together starts to get to the guy.

Mind you, with more time, we are not talking about being together all the time. But when one side starts spending the relationship as a hotel, coming and going as he pleases, his loyalty, romantic gestures and sexual talents start not mounting up to much.

A relationship doesn’t have to be boring, predictable or stifling. It’s good to give each other some space, have friends that are not common and have some separate activities. But it all goes downhill when one side wants to make all the shots. 

Out of Africa is not the ideal romance, but it serves as a great fantasy- for a bit.

Until the great hunter Denys starts getting itchy when Karen (Meryl Streep) doesn’t want to feel alone anymore. 

You see, I might not be able to identify with a woman who moves to Africa (from Denmark) and runs a large coffee farm there, but I can certainly empathize when she realizes that being alone when you are supposedly with someone is worse than being alone on your own.

No, they don’t have to get married. They don’t have to be official anything. But if it is a big deal-breaker for the guy when the woman wants to feel more like she has a boyfriend, it is a big deal breaker for the woman when the guy wants to do whatever/whenever and not include her needs and wants in his plans. 

I love this dialogue from the movie. It takes place right around the time expectations clash:

Karen: When you go away on safari, are you ever with someone else?

Denys: I’d be with you if I wanted to be with anyone.

Karen: Ever get lonely?

Denys: Sometimes.

Karen: You ever wonder if I’m lonely?

 Denys: No, I don’t.

Karen: You think about me at all?

Denys: Often.

Karen: But not enough to come back.

Denys:I do come back. All the time. What is it?

(I’m skipping the part where Karen talks about marriage and Denys says that a piece of paper won’t make him love her more because I agree with Denys there. And marriage is really the least of their problems. Though that part provides some nice light humor as well.)

Karen: When you go away, you don’t always go on a safari, do you?

Denys: No.

Karen: Just want to be away.

Denys: It’s not meant to hurt you.

Karen: It does.

Denys: Karen I’m with you because I choose to be with you. I don’t want to live somebody else’s idea of how to live. Don’t ask me to do that.

It’s ironic how he insists on being himself, because it is his life- but he doesn’t acknowledge that he is asking her to live his idea of a life, romance, relationship. I could totally relate to Karen hesitating between wanting to be with him and kicking his butt out in the wilderness for once and for all. She does both, by the way.

Sure, it is only a movie. Except this movie was based on a true story. (So was I Dreamed of Africa, on a side note.) 

You know this guy. You’ve met him before, or at least heard about him.

The idea of a ruggedly handsome, outdoorsy, adventurous type might sound alluring. A fling with such a guy might be something worth trying out. But don’t let him make all the rules, especially if you don’t have a very similar personality. 

If you are similar, it just might be a match made in heaven, or hell, depending on if when you want to be alone coincides with his. 

Image via reelclub.wordpress.com

P.S. The relationships in these movies usually end with one of them finally breaking it up, the guy dying or both. Sometimes both sides realize it is not realistic to expect to get it their way all the time, and a little compromise is worth it if you love someone.

Would you date a stripper? On Dating (Ex-) Strippers & Channing Tatum

Strippers of Magic Mike. Actors from left: Joe Manganiello, Matt Bomer, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Alex Pettyfer.

I wouldn’t. I think. The thing is I’ve never met one. Honestly.

The whole stripper at a bachelorette party thing isn't my thing, and I fail to see the turn-on in paying someone to take their clothes of you. And no, I’m not fond of strip joints, whether they are for guys or girls.

But let’s say you or I met a stripper, at a strip club or not. What are the chances of the guy being a total hunk? Even if he is hunky, we’d still have “the number of female admirers” problem.

Yes, obviously personality and things in common matter more than looks, but how do you get to the stage with the problem stated above?

Would you really be happy about dating a guy whose job includes turning women on, who are throwing themselves at him? Yes, there should be trust and all that, but I think dating a stripper might be pushing your trusting limits a bit...

Feel free to share you stripper dating/not-dating thoughts and experiences.

Dating an ex-stripper: The Channing Tatum Example

But would you date an ex-stripper? Let’s say that he’s about your age, has done a bit of stripping for whatever reason and now he has no intention of looking back. 

What if he is nice, good-looking and seems to be a good date? What if...wait for it...he looks like Channing Tatum?

Image via seat42f.com

Yes, we are talking about Magic Mike. As fun, cool and gorgeous Mike (Channing Tatum) was, I could totally relate to why Brooke (Cody Horn) wasn’t willing to let her guard down around him.

·         Magic Mike movie spoilers ahead, though you saw it coming from the title

But when he quits, for her and for himself, she doesn’t mind getting together with him. And why not? Past is past; and a stripping job on one’s resume is not something you can’t get over. And we’re guessing this is what Jenna Dewan-Tatum feels like, since Magic Mike was inspired by Tatum’s experiences as a stripper. 

Yep, you read it correctly. He worked as a stripper.

And from the looks of it, Jenna is lucky. He’s great-looking, smart (have you looked at his movie resume/grosses and co-stars?), seems friendly, keeps good company (friends with Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and all .

I still don’t think we’d end up as lucky as Brooke (Cody Horn)’s character or Jenna though.

So would you date a stripper? An ex-stripper?

Or have you dated one?