How do you take your relationship: Open or Closed?

* Yes, I know that there isn't technically a term called "closed relationship". But else (short) thing can we call  a good, old, regular relatioship?

 

I once heard in an interview that Gene Simmons (lead singer of rock band KISS) was in an open marriage with his wife. Well, I am sure that was a necessity. No, I am not being sarcastic. With all the groupies and the fans, it is only fair that he was honest about stuff and that she had as chance to be with other people as well. It doesn’t sound very romantic but hey, it certainly beats the situation of finding out you have been lied to for a decade or something.

Where did this suddenly come up? I was watching House’s 18th episode in season 6 and it turned out the female patient was having an open marriage. I was like Whoa! I mean, the concept of an open relationship is tricky enough. But having an open marriage? And for an ordinary, non-celebrity couple? But hey, these things happen in real life too so I thought I would come here and discuss the subject with you.

I am all for romance and monogamy and loyalty. And I can’t stand cheating or being cheated on in any relationship. In fact, I am as harsh about it as it gets. It doesn’t matter whether you have been together for ages or that you have kids. If a partner cheats, he/she has to go. So yes, I believe all cheaters need to get a kick in the ass. The alternative to cheating? Talk to the person you are with! Tell them you have feelings for someone else. It might be harsh and upsetting but it sure beats getting stabbed in the back. 

What if that person doesn’t want you to leave? What if he/she wants you to stay even though you might stray? That’s their choice. If both parties are open and honest about it and monogamy is something they can overlook, hey, it is their choice. But at least the partner got a say in the matter.

So if you asked me who I would respect more- a person in an open relationship or a person who cheats, I’d say open relationship. I don’t have to approve it but I appreciate the honesty. Would I wanna be in one? I don’t think so. But would I rather be with a guy who confronted me about his issues about monogamy than a hypocrite? Yeah, absolutely.

What do you think? Would you like to be in an open relationship?

Why Is Everyone (Getting) Married?

Image via 1.bp.blogspot.com

    I am not against mariage, let's start with that. It is a lovely concept;  if you have found someone you are sure you would like to spend your lifetime with- someone who you are madly in love with and the person feels the same about you. Someone you can joke around with, be yourself with and someone you love because they are who they are; not despite  who they are.

But I find it really hard to believe that so many people found that person in their early/mid 20s. And that the majority of the married couples in late 20s/early 30s are considering making babies. Whoa! Will everyone slow down for a minute? When did all this happen? I am in my mid 20s and definitely not opposed to romance and passion and some casual flirtation thrown in for good measure... But marriage??? Children??? In-laws??? Calling your partner's parents "Mom" and "Dad"??

I am in the process of finding out a  plan to make my dreams come true, to gain true financial independence  and to just go crazy and all that. I am not saying I don't want to find someone. But right now, I don't want to go into that forever business. Even if  this amazing person comes along and happens to be as nuts as I am and have similar dreams and such, we wouldn't get married. Not now!!! I mean come on!!!!

And it is alright if he doesn't appear in these chapters in my life. Oh of course I complain about being single. But what I am really whining about is that I don't have enough fun with the opposite sex. I don't have numbers to call when I want to party all night and dance until dawn. I don't get to meet hot strangers a lot. There lies my concern.

I think that being in a serious relationship is a big deal! Moving in right away is totally unnecessary and very scary. So how come are people so eager to jump into marriage?

It starts about during the last year(s) of university. Friends/friends of friends start to get married. But the number isn't that large. Then you graduate and invitations start piling up. People barely out of college talk weddings and budgets and all that. You take a job and your boss who is not even 10 years older than you, is married and is considering having a baby. Oh and by boss, I mean a guy who co-runs a music site and deals with studios and bars and all that. I meet long- haired, metal-loving guys who look like they came straight out of a 90s Metallica concert and see rings on their fingers.

When did everyone get married? Ok, so maybe- it is not that big of a stretch for 35 year-olds being married but people in their 20s? What's up with that? The wedding dresses, furniture hunting? Surely not all of these people found their soulmate?

I don't mean to be cynical. I am sure there are a lot of actual feelings and "eternal bliss" involved. But I also believe that the overworking biological clocks and the seeming convenience of marriage have increased the numbers.

People should acknowledge the fact that not everyone has to be married and/or have a baby. It sucks if people are doing it because they think it is time or because they get to have regular sex. It sucks if they are doing it because they parents would rather have them tie the knot than have them live together...

I am a romantic of the worst kind. But I also am addicted to excitement and adventure and discovery. I am thinking there will be guys in my life who get me. Until that happens, I will enjoy the ride of singledom. And I sure as hell won't get married because it is just so "in", or rent is cheaper or all my friends are doing it!!!

Arrogance in the Opposite Sex: Turn on or Turn off?

Image via jasonlove.com

When I was 18, I had a huge crush on a friend’s classmate. It wasn’t that he was earth-shatteringly good-looking. He was just exactly my type. In addition to being tall and cute, he also had this charming, down-to-earth attitude about him that I really liked. He wasn’t full of himself.

Nearly a decade later, a lot of things have changed in my life but my taste in men still remains the same.  Now, I don’t have anything against drop-dead-gorgeous guys. In fact, I welcome them. My problem is with guys – gorgeous or not- who are too in love with how they look. You know the type: the one that makes you want to sing Too Sexy from Right Said Fred.

Remember how that song went? Too sexy for my shirt/too sexy for this party/….

In case you don’t know or remember this hilarious song from the 90s, check out the video.

So I don’t know about you, but arrogance is a major turn-off for me. Mind you, I am not saying confidence. Confidence rocks…unless it makes me want to sing from Right Said Fred…

For instance, my favorite romantic comedy movie character ever is Jack (played by Bill Pullman) in While You Were Sleeping. Jack is nice, honest, fun and good-looking in a classic sort of way. I have always found Bill Pullman cute, charming and handsome but my favorite Pullman character is Jack- both with his looks and character. You see, Jack has flaws; but they only make him more likable. And he is not in lust with himself.

So among all the romantic films I’ve seen, that’s why Pullman’s Jack does it for me. He is just adorable.

If I need to give more fictional examples, I prefer Stefan over Damon (The Vampire Diaries), Matt over Tyler (still Vampire Diaries) and Sam over Dean (Supernatural. Remember the first 2 seasons when Sam was sort of shy?)..I guess you got my point.

But what about you? Does arrogance turn you on? Off? Or you don’t really care?

Who are your favorite arrogant/humble fictional characters?

If Opposites Really Attract, Are You Golden or Just Screwed?

You know how the saying goes: opposites attract. Frankly, I'm allergic to it because I haven't been once been attracted to a guy whose personality is a complete opposite of mine. But many men I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me, but to girls with pretty much they have nothing in common. So if this saying has a point, I am totally screwed.

I’m talkative, energetic, full of-life, a romantic and a dreamer. I am also really passionate and fun-loving. I value honesty and loyalty. So how can I possibly be attracted to a guy who is really quiet, shy and introverted? Or anti-social? Or to a guy who is a total jerk?  Or to a square guy who lacks imagination and passion?

Something New poster via celebritywonder.com

This article was originally inspired by the movie Something New starring Simon Baker. In the movie, Simon Baker’s character Brian pretty much represents everything I want in a guy. Yes, I think Simon always looks great with his wavy blonde hair. And I would pretty much give up heels (I am 5’9”, Simon is 5’10”) for a guy like that. And I talked about how we can be attracted to different looking guys so let’s get to the real issue: personality and how he treats the girl.,

Brian is a landscape architect. He used to be a copywriter at an advertising agency but he hated it. So he is educated but his dreams are more important than fat paychecks. He is smart and independent enough to run his own business. He’s also impulsive, fun-loving, cute, easy-going and social. Add romantic and loyal to the bunch. Yes, Brian is awesome.   

Cut to his love-interest Kenya- who is meticulous, well-planned, who is a workaholic, a little conservative, a little biased, a little racist (she is black, Brian is white). She has a very hard time letting go and she is not always easy to be around. Now, if you want to know what the movie is all about, how they meet and how they hook up and everything, you can read the review here: Something New starring Simon Baker.

But the issue on this post is not romantic comedies, Simon Baker or racism. It is if we are attracted to people who are similar to us or different than us. And I am pretty much like a female Brian. The only difference is that I am a writer. Oh, and I want a romantic, easy-going guy who is not prejudiced about stuff.

Mind you, there will always be differences and things in common. And I am aware of that. What we are talking about is core characteristics and outlook on life.

So if guys’ minds work like Brian’s in real world, I really am screwed. How about you? Tell me your stories about being attracted to guys- how they were similar to or different from you!

Why This Gal Would Make a Great Dad

The title came to me, mostly because of the old-fashioned breed of dads who believe that they are supposed to bring home the bacon, while the mother should be doing the housework and taking care of the child(ren). Even if the women are working, these men expect that she should be the one dealing with the chores and all the work that comes with having a kid. Some men help out a little but they are much more interested in playing with the baby and setting some rules rather than deal with the negative, and more tiring (and not to mention tedious!) stuff.

Yeah, there are some dads who share full responsibility, and there are even men who prefer to be stay-at-home dads while women pursue their careers. But these are the exceptions. 

My mom left work when I was 2, missing me too much to leave me to my grandmother’s care during the week. Frankly, there are times when she wishes she never left. And growing up, I was half-grateful, half-resentful that she had left her career. Some aspects of being at home full-time made her miserable and while she’s been a good friend and a good mom, our relationship wasn’t always easy. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend who shares many of my views when it comes to romance and having kids. Although she is not dying to have a baby, she worries that she might regret it later when she is old – which reminds me that I forgot to add this to the wrong reasons to have a kid list. 

There is no guarantee your kid will turn out all nice and sweet and he won’t check you in to a retirement home the first chance he gets. Even if your kid didn’t check you into a retirement home, there is no guarantee she won’t move to another continent or that she will outlive you. 

OK- these grim thoughts aside, it is an incredibly selfish notion, if you're having a baby just so you won’t be alone later in the future. You should have babies only if you are ready to take on all the risks, as well as the emotional and financial responsibilities that come with the territory. And remember, the ability to love unconditionally is a must.

Knowing all this, my friend is still torn between having a kid in 5-10 years and having no kids at all. We’ll see what the future brings but she thinks that she would also make a great dad.
The feminist in her (and by feminism, I mean believing both sexes are equal) thinks that women should have the option to deal with their careers while men take care of the baby. But  while the thought is appealing to a certain degre, the reality is much more complicated. Why should any individual – man or woman- give up on his/her dreams and ideals? Or make ultimate sacrifices?

The best thing to do is to know yourself and see if you have what it takes. Frankly, I don’t. I am too selfish, idealistic and passionate to take the passenger seat to my own life. So while I do have the potential to be a dad in the old-fashioned sense, I am not made to be a parent.

So, how about you? Do you have the guts, means and the personality fit for one job that you can never retire from?

Recommended:

When You Know You Are Not Ready For Kids

11 Wrong Reasons to Have Kids

 

3 Must-See Relationship Movies: 500 Days of Summer, He Said She Said & He’s Just Not That Into You

We can argue that all movies are about relationships on some level but some movies depend on the evolution of relationships alone and some romantic comedies are just really better than other - at being more real.

Here are 3 that you should give a shot to:

He’s Just Not That Into You  - 2009

Starring Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connelly, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long and Drew Barrymore

Based on the best- selling book of the same name and featuring a stellar cast, this is a really good romantic comedy. I’ll warn you though- the movie features many stories and some of them (2, actually) have happy endings. If you want more truth, read the book. The book is as entertaining and as in-your-face as non-fiction can ever get. I have a detailed review of both the movie and the book here.

He said, she said - 1991

Starring Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Perkins

He Said She Said movie poster from moviegoods.com

Journalists Dan (Kevin Bacon) and Lorie (Elizabeth Perkins) are journalists working at the same office and having opposite views. This colorful opposition lands them their own TV show called He Said, She Said. Of course eventually they get romantically involved and things get complicated. The story is told in three parts: he said, she said and what really happened.

In "he said", we listen to Kevin Bacon’s side of the story – where she comes off as a needy, bitchy, hard-to-get-along woman where he pretty much does nothing wrong.

In "she said", we listen to Elizabeth Perkins' side- where he comes off an immature, insensitive jerk who is impossible to have an adult relationship with.

The third and the most fun part of the movie is the "What Really Happened" section- we don’t get biased versions but what actually happened and it is neither like her version, nor his.

This is a wonderfully charming and honest movie about how we tend not to put ourselves in the other one’s shoes. It feels easier to place the blame to one side, but things are almost never that simple.

This is one romantic comedy when it is not about a happy or unhappy ending – but the communications problems we have.It may not have the best plot, but I love how the story is told.

500 Days of Summer – 2009

Starring Joseph Gordon – Levitt & Zooey Deschanel 

This movie is bittersweet- it is funny and told in its own

unique way as well as managing to be sad and romantic- although the omance is one-sided.

It is how the movie differentiates itself - the boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) falls in love, the girl (Zooey Deschanel) doesn’t. It is not for the moments when you want to get your happy ending and mutual love-  at least in a film. But if you are cynical, this movie is perfect. 

Detailed review and plot can be read here.

11 Wrong Reasons to Have Kids

I have nothing against kids, as long as they cute and sweet. But 90% of the time I am inspired to write ads for condom brands - and I see children everywhere that would make the perfect commercial to scare anyone into wearing condoms (I double-majored in advertising and I am a writer so my mind does work in weird ways). 

  Image via cartoonist Dan Rosandich.Cartoons can easily be licensed for your books, newsletters, web and Facebook pages, presentations and much more. cartoonist Dan Rosandich also offers in depth information regarding the business of cartooning on his cartoonist blog.

There is of course the rare occasion when I picture having a kid, but that fantasy also features Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the father so I don’t see that happening. 

Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Inspired by my own mindset, as well as a couple friends’, I wrote an article about how to know when you are not ready to have kids. Consider this one a sequel article.

It seems like more and more people are having more babies than they can take care of so it is getting impossible to get a quiet (=no kids zone) time apart from a library. I can so relate to Samantha’s  no-kids- allowed-restaurant fantasy. It is all very well if you are truly ready for kids- both emotionally and financially, fine. Be my guest. But many people seem to have babies for all the wrong reasons. Here’s the list:

1. ·         Because the parents won’t shut up.
2. ·         Because the in-laws won’t shut up.
3. ·         Just to please your spouse/lover.
4. ·         Because you think you are running out of time.
5. ·         Just because everybody else is having them.
6. ·         Because models made it look so cool.
7. ·         Because society wants you to.
8. ·         Because all your friends are having them.
9. ·         Because you are against abortion.
10. ·         Because you happened to get pregnant and decided to roll with it.
11. ·       Because you can.

If you could have a customized kid, though- I’d love to have the adorable 4-year-old in Jerry Maguire or the kid in The Blind Side. Other than them, thanks but no thanks.

So, where do you stand when it comes to having kids? Are you for or against? Why?